The movie Draft Day, as a concept, is enticing enough. The plot follows the roller coaster of the day endured by the protagonist, Cleveland Browns GM Sonny Weaver Jr., played by Kevin Costner.
Not only does Sonny find out he’s about to become a dad, thanks
to his secret romance with the team’s salary capologist, played by Jennifer
Garner; he has to deal with an oblivious owner who threatens his dismissal
unless he makes a big splash at the draft; a recalcitrant head coach who sets a
fire in his office when he discovers he wasn’t included in the discussion of
the team’s massive trade; and a temperamental quarterback who trashes his
office when he suspects the trade will likely bring his replacement. To top it
off, Weaver has barely had time to mourn the recent passing of his father, the Browns’
franchise coach whom he fired, when his overbearing mother demands an impromptu,
immediate memorial on the practice field.
Yes it’s Hollywood
and all these storylines are plausible, if somewhat farfetched to all occur in
a window smaller than 24 hours. It's like 24 (the TV series) meets Any Given Sunday.
For Dallas Cowboys fans, Dennis Leary plays the coach who sounds a
lot like Barry Switzer, only younger and with a desire to create a semblance of an NFL legacy.
The movie loses all credibility with NFL fans when
it goes rogue with the draft day wheeling dealing and preposterous timelines.
For all its foibles, lack of chemistry between any of the actors, clichéd jokes
that centre around a browbeaten intern, the movie really falls apart in its
plot’s inherent improbability.
Here are five samples.
No.1
It begins early in the morning when
Seattle calls and offers to trade the No. 1 overall
pick for Cleveland’s
No. 7 selection. The asking price: Next’s year’s No. 1 and a third rounder. And
there’s a franchise quarterback on the draft table.
No contest. Make the trade. Even
if you don’t want the quarterback, the value makes the trade worthwhile. You
can always trade down again. Plus who makes this offer?
But no. Costner, who’s in the
pantheon of the sports movie greats for Field of Dreams, Bull Durham and Tin
Cup alone, fumbles the offer and most of the movie as well. The shifty-eyed, overwhelmed
executive can’t see the value in the deal and turns it down…
Only to call back a couple of
hours later in the day, and find that the trade demand now includes another Browns No.
1 pick…. Which Costner accepts because…
No 2.
On draft day, team owner and water
park impresario (Frank Langella) threatens his GM to make a big splash or be
fired. The fan base demands it. Needs it.
There’s no doubt this scenario has
played out in the NFL. It just doesn’t happen on the day of the NFL’s player
selection meeting, hours before the team’s top-10 pick is about to come off the
board.
Months ahead, maybe.
No. 3
Having made the ill-conceived
trade, Costner orders his football staff to find faults with the franchise
quarterback, Bo Callahan (Josh Pence).
Again, there’s no doubt this
scenario has played out in the NFL. It just doesn’t happen on the day of the
NFL’s player selection meeting, hours before the pick is about to be made.
Months ahead, yes.
As it turns out, golden boy
Callahan has one rather large wart. He has one personality trait that matches
that of one of the greatest draft busts ever, Ryan Leaf.
No. 4
The draft begins and Costner, having
endured a nuclear day of emotions, goes back to his sticky note ‘big board’ and
goes with his gut pick, linebacker Vontae Mack, who’s exactly the player
Langella, who flies to New York for the draft with a Callahan jersey, did not
want to see selected.
Doesn’t try to trade back down.
Doesn’t field any offers for the No.1, doesn’t reach out for any. At this
point, even Costner quips that he traded three first rounders and a third for a
player he could’ve had at No. 7.
NFL fans have seen ridiculous
trades and draft picks, never would they be combined like this.
No. 5
Then Callahan begins to slide. All
the way to No. 6. The rookie Jacksonville Jaguars GM who has the pick is so
inept, he doesn’t know why Callahan is suddenly available. Good thing Costner,
who suddenly discovers that he can deal his way out his mess, is there with an
offer of three No. 2s. Which is what? Accepted. Really.
Never happens. Ever. Three No. 2s
for the No. 6 pick, with a franchise quarterback, Leaf-like rumours and all, on
the board. And there are no other suitors for the pick either. Right.
No. 6
Langella, who’s irate in New York, leaves the draft, boards his private plane at
an airport, lands in Cleveland
and arrives at the Browns facility before the No. 6 pick is made. Or less than 50
minutes of real time. That’s a real trick.
No. 7
And this one is the biggest one to
gulp down. Armed with the No. 6 pick, Costner manages to get his picks back
from Seattle,
and gets an ace punt returner thrown in the package.
For those trying to keep track,
the pick that was dealt for three No. 2s minutes ago, suddenly lands three No.
1s, a third and a special teams ace.
Only in Hollywood you say? That would seem to be the
case.
There are a number of cameos in
the movie, including NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and the usual cast of NFL
draft day talking heads, all of whom should’ve advised the screenwriters to
rewrite the script, given its lack of reality.
With its seventh pick back, the
Browns end up taking the son of the Browns’ all-time great running back. Not
Jim Brown, who appears in the movie, but by former NFL journeyman Terry Crews.
The running back? Played Arian Foster.
Splash.
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